5 Reasons Why I Hesitated to Take My Husbands Last Name

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Before my husband and I got married I was very adamant that I would not be taking his last name. I had a strong desire to hold on to my own. I was quite fond of it having had it since birth. There was also a part of me who felt like I accomplished so much and I did it as a Wesley. Sure I would still be the same person if I changed my name but it just wouldn’t feel quite the same or so I thought.

Initially my husband, boyfriend and later fiancé at the time, insisted that I take his last name. He was as passionate about his views as I was about mine. He also had a hard time understanding why I wouldn’t. Why was I trying so hard to hold on to my name. But over time he decided that it was no longer that critical. If I didn’t want to take his last name so be it.

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Before getting married our plan was for my husband to adopt my daughter. It was a way of putting on paper what was already written in our hearts long ago. My husband was daddy. He had spent the past several years wiping tears, coloring in coloring books and attending school events. He was there for her even when the future of our own relationship felt uncertain.

Whether I took his name or not didn’t change the fact that I was his wife and committed to upholding the promise I made to him on our wedding day. During the early stages of our marriage lots of jokes were made about the fact that I didn’t have my husband’s last name. I often wondered if it bothered him but still I stood my ground.


Here’s why:

I had a child from a previous relationship

It was very important to me that my daughter never felt left out. If she wasn't "officially" a Briscoe there was no reason for me to be one either. She desperately longed to have the same last name as her daddy and I didn't want to have it and she didn't. Either we would all have the same last name or we would all have different last names. Same name or not we were a family.

My fight

I fought like hell to get my life back on track and I did it as a Wesley As I stated before I felt like some of the most monumental moments in my life occurred while I was a Wesley. The diplomas I earned were all presented to Krishann Wesley.

I was afraid of losing myself

At the time I was afraid of being identified simply as someone's wife. I worked hard to build a life for myself and my child. I realized that now my husband and I were building a life together but having lost myself before, holding on to my name was a misplaced attempt at not doing so again.

Inconvenience

I had previously jumped through hoops to get my name fixed due to an error on my birth certificate. I didn't want to go through the "trouble" of changing documentation to reflect a name change. I mean, have you stood in line at the social security office?

I wanted to keep my Granddaddy’s name

My Granddaddy (paternal) was one of the most amazing men to ever walk the planet. I was lucky to be his grandchild although I didn't realize how lucky I was until he had passed away. His passing was days before my 20th birthday. I never got the chance to tell him he was going to be a great grandfather. I had decided that if I were to have a boy I would name him after my grandfather, however; I ended up giving birth to a beautiful baby girl. For me keeping my name felt like I still had a part of my granddaddy.


As I’ve grown and matured I’ve realized many things. One being that my granddaddy is always with me. I carry his memory in my heart and strive to live a life that would make him proud. Social security lines are the worst but good things don’t usually come to us all that easy. And it’s not like I had to do it every day. I fought like hell to get my life back on track and then I met someone who loved me so much that they wanted to go through life with me even in the midst of my fight. Changing my name didn’t mean I was losing myself, it meant that I had simply reached a new destination in my journey through life.

Had my husband not been able to adopt my daughter then I wouldn’t have changed my name but in my heart of hearts I believe God worked things out just perfectly. She longed to have her daddy’s last name and once it was solidified that she would have it I wanted in too.

When it comes to changing last names I think every couple (and/or family) has to decide what is right for them. My husband adored me as a Wesley. That didn’t change after we got married and I kept my name. Eventually we stopped listening to everyone voice their opinion on names and titles and listened to our hearts. Two hearts that beat for one another. Two hearts whose new home was wherever the other one was, no matter what name they responded to. But there was also a part of me that realized that if taking my husband’s last name made his heart even happier than it already was then it was worth it. Especially if it meant that the three of us could go through life as Briscoes’. Monograms, return address lables and holiday cards made simple. A choice that started off complex and sprinkled with pride, suddenly became clear as day. Just like my love for my Mr. it felt right.